Thursday, August 20, 2009

Yep some more nostalgia

When I found out that Jam Master Jay was the guest DJ for a week on Vibe I came up with this cheesy idea. It was shot down by a higher up and I assumed that was the end of it. I showed it to my man Geoff (a fellow writer and funny comedian) just to see what he thought. As he was reading it he said "oh this is funny" and walked out with the sketch in hand. So now I'm wondering where he's going because the sketch has already been shot down. Geoff comes back into the office and says "yo, come on, Bad (they called Sinbad, Bad, a nickname within a nickname, haha,) says we're doing the sketch". Geoff and Sinbad were really close friends. I was merely an employee at that point. I remember giving Vibe guitarist Toshi the script and asking him if he could remember the lines in rehearsal. He nailed it. During rehearsal we found out Jay had that song "Jam Master Jay" that he cut's up during the real Run DMC intro. After rehearsal the wardrobe department asked us what we needed to wear for the sketch. Jay heard them and got on the phone. "Yo what size do yall wear?" Next day a bunch of brand new Adidas gear arrives in time for the show. (Sinbad said our attire was fake. Not a chance.) Jay was a nice guy, he signed my Run DMC greatest hits CD too. I still have the Adidas and I still cherish the memory. "God damn that DJ made my day." - Run DMC Peter Piper

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

How hot is it in NYC?

Too hot! Too humid! Even the pigeons were trying to stay out the sun. I just landed at JFK and this is one of the first things I see. I don't know if you speak spanish but the guy in the background is saying "hurry up and come get me. This idiot is video taping a couple of pigeons. Damn tourist are so annoying." I not a tourist! I'm from NYC loser!

Monday, August 10, 2009

Those Wild And Crazy Wrestlers

My favorite wrestler was alway the "wild" wrestler. The one they found in the jungle or in some remote land where he's so crazy he doesn't even speak english (or any other language). First of all if he's really wild, he wouldn't know who to attack. He'd attack his manager, the announcer and the referee. And once he attacked his opponent he'd never stop until the opponent was dead. He's uncivilized yet he knows how to deposit his checks and stop wrestling when the ref says break? This was the character that made me realize that wrestling was just "entertainment". I'd love to see the wild character in unscripted sports like basketball. He's so wild and fast he steals the ball as they inbound it and he immediately dunks it. He just keeps doing this over and over again. Even when the end of the quarter buzzer goes off he keeps dunking the ball and his teamates have to drag him back to the bench. Eventually the league changes the rules to take the boredom out of the game. They also kick him out the league because a NBA player can't be from "parts unknown".

What if he played football? Of course the wild football player sacks the quarterback and get's suspended for trying to eat him. He returns a few weeks later and does it again. He's suspended again for the rest of the season. Now everyone wants an interview with him but he doesn't have a publicist or phone (not to mention he's so wild he can't talk). The NFL allows him to come back but they institute a new "no growling or chewing the helmet" rule into the league. Some are pissed that he was reinstated faster than Michael Vick. When he returns the following season it's the highest rated game ever. The quarterback fumbles his first five possesions and the crowd boo's and chants of "coward" are directed toward him. He finally attempts a passing play and our wild player sacks him but as soon as the he and the qb hit the ground 20 police officers rush the field and arrest him for assault. The next day Al Sharpton holds a press conference and announces that the police have no right to stop this man from making a living. The video footage is the most tivoed moment in sports and no one can decide if he was about to eat the quarterback or not. Before a trial can be held our wild player dies a controversial death in jail. Some say he choked on a cellmate some say he was brutally beaten and then they stuffed part of the cellmate down his throat as a cover up. One day we'll know the truth.

Friday, August 7, 2009


I guess it's better that I embarrass myself than let someone else do it.

Journalist Home - just a thought

Everyone is excited that Former President Clinton went to N. Korea and came home with 2 American journalist. I for one think we should reserve our joy until we find out if these are real journalist and not Korean knockoffs. Check the spelling on their drivers licenses and make sure they don't fade when you wash them.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009


This is something I wrote back when I first came to Hollywood. I actually like this and I remember it was on Talk Soup twice. This was so long ago. I hope I don't regret posting this. Haha.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Marbury Madness

Craziness is based on perception and right now Stephon Marbury is perceived to be crazy. I'm sure you've seen the videos of Steph eating Vasaline......

and crying...

Let's examine how this NBA great in my opinion compares to other NBA greats.

Magic was known for passing the rock.

Steph is known for acting like he smoked the rock.

The NBA title was up for grabs and Kobe straight jacked it.

Steph acts like he needs a straitjacket.

Wilt claimed he bagged 20,000 groupies.

Some claim Steph may have smoked 20,000 bags of dust.

You know what? I'm a Knick fan ( I know he's no longer a Knick) and I'm a supporter of all NYC ball players (that list is too LONG too start naming names) so if you want me to remove this post I will. Ok, I might. But no one can deny that he brought this on himself. It's cool Steph. Crazy recognizes crazy. The web cam is the problem son. It's cool to eat Vaseline , hell you can make a Vaseline smoothie for all I care. Just don't do it in front of your web cam. I bet your friends Grandmother (who told you eating Vaseline was good for a sore throat) would beat your ass if she found out you did it on camera. Grandma: "I said eat it but not in front of the World!" It's also cool to cry to gospel songs but don't do it on purpose in front of your web cam. You knew that song made you cry before you played it. Now your boy is forced to console you again and this time it's on a web cam. If they recognize his hands on your shirtless body he may never hear the end of it. (I know the shirtless part is irrelevant but I'm just trying to be descriptive.)

Coming soon: The Starbury Straightjacket for crazy people who can't afford a name brand straitjacket. It has Steps number on the back (or front because straightjackets are on backwards anyway). By the way I'll be first on line to cop one.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Valentine's Day at White Castle?

You said you wanted to go out! Stop complaining!

If she wants to go to White Castle for Valentines day, she's no good for you.

If he suggests going to White Castle for Valentines day he's no good for you.

Don't forget to call the RESERVATION LINE. Remember how packed it was last year?

Ladies I don't know who he hates worse, you or his colon.....just kidding I love this place.